The no good, very bad, egg retrieval day

Our egg retrieval day came so fast. I went to work on Monday all jittery knowing that in less than 24 hours my follicles would yield eggs which would then proceed to be fertilize and grow into little blastocysts and those embryos will eventually grow and become a baby.

We woke up super early on Tuesday and left the house at 5:30 A.M to make sure we miss the Atlanta traffic and arrived at our fertility clinic at 6:20 AM.

I got checked in, filled out some paperwork and had my IV placed and antibiotic started by 7:30. Hubby and I were engaged in a thumb war death matched when Dr.S rolled in. I walked to the operating room in my oh so sexy hospital gown and long hospital provided sock full of hope. Two minutes after I laid my head on the table, everything went black and all I remember was waking up with husband by my head, holding my hand.

“We got six eggs.” Those were the only words I remember hearing.

Apparently, I was still coming out of my induced slumber because hubby told me my retort to the doctor was “I’m a googling FIIENNNDDD. So I know 6 isn’t a lot”.

That’s basically where the humor ended and the worry began. I managed to hold it together while sweet Dr. S tried to remain positive. When he left, I immediately burst into tears. I cried so hard because I do know how low my egg count was. My head had finally caught up to the reality of those words. “We got six eggs”. If I thought our chances were low before, I knew it then and my heart was broken.

I sobbed into Shaun’s hand. I couldn’t look at the terrified nurse when she immediately popped in to ask if I was in pain. I sobbed as Shaun helped me get dressed. I was crying my heart out in public and I didn’t even care. When they wheeled me out to the waiting room I saw the worried glances of the people we passed and couldn’t care less that I was probably making anxious mamas to be more nervous. By that point my whole body was shaking and I couldn’t catch my breath. When we got to the lobby, the sweet nurse rubbed my shoulders and told me “it will all be ok. We’re pulling for you.” which made me cry even harder! My nurse had witnessed the carefree moments we had together when we first got to the waiting room. She heard us laughing behind the curtain while we waited for Dr. S to show up. I’m sure she was shocked to see me so upset an hour later. God bless all nurses, they see so much, put up with so much and are still able to remain positive and exude patience and kindness to us all.

This is what I looked like when I got in the car.

I cried all the way home. I felt so defeated. How in the heck did we go from 12 follicles to 6 eggs!? Well, this was when Shaun filled me in on the conversation Dr. S had with him when I was still under.

Long story short, he told Shaun that when I wake up I will be upset because of my egg count but that they needed to do everything in their powers to keep it positive. Dr. S couldn’t believe he only got 6 eggs out of me either, which prompted him to say that IVF is a diagnostic procedure and that this may mean I am infertile. Double Whammy! What are the odds that both of us would have severe fertility issues?

He told Shaun that they found a fibroid in my uterus and if it grew any larger it will probably need to be removed. At the present time he wouldn’t count it as a problem just yet. He asked if my mom ever had fibroids or had a hysterectomy. No idea why or how it pertains to me but scary nonetheless.

Turns out that my largest follicle was a cyst, and when they drained the sucker, no eggs came out. They drained some of my smaller follicles hoping that with a 50/50 chance each one would yield and egg, but couldn’t find any. So I’d have to go home knowing that my body sucked but was little glad because 6 is way better than none, which Dr. S said sometime happens on his table. I was told that I will get a call in the morning for the “Fert report”. That’s the lingo in the embryologist’s office for a fertilization report.

I went home and felt as though someone with steel toed boots had kicked me in the uterus. I’ve never had so much abdominal pain. I couldn’t walk because every step I took felt like a knife jab in the gut. I NEVER take pain meds but the cramping was so bad that I took the prescribed hydrocodone and DEFINITELY had serious nausea as a side effect (I hate throwing up. I hate it!) in addition to breaking out in cold sweat…All that to say that despite me intentionally breaking into the narcotics, I got no pain relief whatsoever. Does Hydrocodone work for anyone else? Because it sure didn’t for me.

This morning when I got up for work, the pain had subsided and I didn’t feel the need to remain on the bathroom floor, clutched to the toilet any longer. While I still can’t laugh or walk up a flight of stairs without doubling over in pain, my uterus is less tender and I did not feel the need to pop a pill or two. Who knew egg retrieval was so rough on you.

At 10:10 Dr. S called. I didn’t pick up the phone because I don’t know if I wanted to hear what he had to say. He left me a lengthy message and the gist of it was this…(side note, I almost flipped when I heard his voice because he NEVER call, we always speak to his nurse every time we get any kind of results back.)

We had 5 mature eggs out of the 6. (GREAT NEWS!) But we are only seeing 2 fertilized eggs (Boo!). BUT more maybe coming. (oh Dr.S, always optimistic) I know that the bad news keep on coming (oh, you recognize that it’s sucky being us too? It’s nice for someone to validate that) BUT! (again, so optimistic.) I’m hopeful.

So I have two eggs that have been fertilized? We thought there would be none! I was super bummed at first because dang it if I couldn’t have a lot of eggs, wouldn’t it make sense for the remaining few to be super eggs? No? Just me? OK.

If you’re thinking I should be jumping up and down right now because a lot of people only have 1 fertilized egg or some have zero eggs, you’re right. And I am happy for the most part. But the pessimistic, worry wart, everything-goes-wrong for us part of me is super cautious. I’m cautious because our embryos have to keep developing new cells to make it to day 3 for transfer and that doesn’t always happen after fertilization. I’m cautious because we didn’t choose to do genetic testing on our embryos, which means that if they are fighters and make it to day 3, I am still at risk for an early miscarriage due to a genetically abnormal embryo. I know people who had 4 or 5 embryos genetically tested and none came back normal for transplant. No, I shouldn’t be comparing myself to other people. Yes, there is still a chance for me to conceive this cycle.

But I can’t help it. I can’t help thinking about all the bad things that could happen. Because history has not been kind to us as far as infertility treatments go. So right now, we get to play the waiting game again. A game we’ve come to know and hate. We are waiting for a call tomorrow morning that will hopefully deliver good news. Hopefully they will tell us that both of our babies, yes, they are babies to me, are still fighting. We’re waiting to hear that they will be stronger than their mama at this moment and fight really hard to survive.

Right now we are taking things step by step. All we are hoping for is that they make it to Friday. So if anything, whether or not you believe in a higher being or if you live to send good vibes into the universe, I’d appreciate it if you’d send some prayers and good juju their way. I know they can feel the love. Because babies, you are SO loved and you are wanted, more than you’ll ever know.