It Hurts.

My husband and I love Pixar. We love anything Disney. We’re the crazy adults who will choose to go to Disney sans kids for vacation. When it was time for us to get engaged, the hubster knew there’s no better place to pop the question than the happiest place on earth. We got engaged right in front of Cinderella’s castle for goodness sake. So you can say our love runs deep.

A couple of Halloweens ago, we dressed up as one of our favorite Pixar couple; Carl and Ellie from Up. Leave it to Disney to create one of the most beautiful love stories I’ve ever seen in less than 10 minutes.

We first loved the movie for in those first few minutes; we found so many parallels that connected our own love story to theirs.

Little did we know that in due time a large part of our lives would mirror theirs and we would come to understand their sorrow as we’ve shared their joy.

I recently re-watched the movie and cried until I was breathless when this image came on the screen.

All I could think was how I wish I could reach through the screen and give her a big long hug. Wish I could hold her hands and tell her my heart was breaking for her. I wish I could tell her that she wasn’t alone and that someone understands. Because what I saw on the screen as the splitting image of us last Thanksgiving when we heard our own news.

I can still feel her heart breaking because that's what mine did. I can feel all the air being sucked out of the room as she comes to grip with the unbearable news. I can comprehend the indescribable sense of loss Ellie must have felt and heard the sound the world made as it comes crashing down.

Infertility is not something I would wish on anyone. It is one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. However, as Carl and Ellie learned to move on with their life, I too have to learn to move past the pain and embrace whatever may come our way.

I'm so thankful that we live in the real world where we are given options and our future is not written in stone. There’s still a chance for us. We’re blessed beyond measures just to have found one another.

We’ve learned so many things along this bumpy road to parenthood and although infertility sucks, we are determined to come out of this no matter what it takes. We are determined to not let this road block beat us. We hope to become more compassionate and resilient people at the end of our journey.